Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
