im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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