Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
