I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize