The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
