KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
