Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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