Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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