I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
