i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
