we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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