I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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