I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
