You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
are you so shy because you have an std?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
