it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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