If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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