So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
