covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
