what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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