if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
