trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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