its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
