my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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