My first STD was from a foam party
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I still have a little drunk in my system
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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