My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We left an ass print on the piano.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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