the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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