i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
