Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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