I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
