Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize