Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
