first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
