I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
