so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
