I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
