I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
