my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she told me i tasted like america
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
