I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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