dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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