everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize