So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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