the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize