I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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