y did u give ur computer a hand job?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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