Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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