If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
