It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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