Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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