Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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