Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize