Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
