Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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