I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
