Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
