He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
