we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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