Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
