I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had sex on a roof
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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