how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
