He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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