Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
