i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
