I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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