so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
