Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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