If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
