I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
