It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His hands were made for my vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
