so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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