there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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