Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
