she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm like, not good at living.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
