I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize