You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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