woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize